tumula: Of Ambitions and Mediocrity

Why am I mediocre? I often question myself; it either makes me hate myself when I feel that I am the reason for it or pity myself when I feel that maybe I am not the reason. Irrespective of these feelings, the thought persists. It continues to hurt. Why do I feel so? For one, it is because that I pursue petty things. For another, it is because I feel insignificant. The insignificance of the pursuit and the self itself is the cause.

Unfortunately Mediocrity and Ambition often go together and that is when it hurts. If you had no ambitions, life would be easier. But would I prescribe complacency to someone? definitely not, that’s another issue. Someone said there is perhaps more uniformity in excellence than in mediocrity. It appears puzzling rather counter-intuitive, but a little deeper thought reveals what it means. However it only raises further questions. Coming back to the question why I am mediocre, I don’t know, the simplest answer would be that it is probably because I am not a genius. Is it just that? The mind wanders, and hopes it is not.

What about individualism then? Doesn’t it suggest that mediocrity is self-imposed? Ayn Rand says "Mediocrity doesn't mean average intelligence; it means an average intelligence that resents and envies its betters." I don’t necessarily agree with this. To me mediocrity is about me, it is not a relative term.

This quote has kept me interested for a long time,

"But even when we are sharpened and quickened intellectually by argument, by discussion, by reading, this does not actually bring about that quality of sensitivity. And you know all those people who are erudite, who read, who theorize, who can discuss brilliantly, are extraordinarily dull people. So I think sensitivity, which destroys mediocrity, is very important to understand. Because most of us are becoming, I am afraid, more mediocre. We are not using that word in any derogative sense at all, but merely observing the fact of mediocrity in the sense of being average, fairly well educated, earning a livelihood and perhaps capable of clever discussion; but this leaves us still bourgeois, mediocre, not only in our attitudes but in our activities."

- Jiddu Krishnamurthy
The Awakening of Intelligence

I tried interpreting it in several ways, but it still did not answer my questions on mediocrity. Though I understood the importance of sensitivity, I wasn’t sure of it’s relevance to mediocrity, Yes, I certainly realize that sensitivity negates mediocrity in our attitudes, but actions? Well, I will also have to agree that attitudes reflect on our actions but does it help me overcome the insignificance of my actions or my self itself that I questioned initially. Hmmmmm... It probably does!