Me and You

This is about me and you, the ones who blog and the ones who read, the ones who use it to express themselves and the ones who use it to know other's views.

Why do we blog? rather, why should we blog? Invariably I have seen, including myself that such writing starts to tend towards creating an impression in the reader's mind. why is this needed? why can't blogs be used just to express oneself rather than to impress others. Now, I can understand if it's a journalist or a newspaper columnist or a novelist who is forced to do so to earn his livelihood, but why should bloggers of all, be doing that?

I am not writing this post to establish the purpose of writing blogs, probably there are many and I am not questioning them. But I am trying to point to an invariably common phenomenon in our everyday actions without even being conscious about it. This is not just about blogging. Whether it is using a social-networking site such as Orkut or it is having a homepage on 360, whether it is having a statcounter on your page or changing your status on Yahoo, whether it is to set a favorite tune as ur ringtone or having a wallpaper on your pc, it all seems that we are trying to get someone's attention. These are only some of the myriad examples I can point to.

Though we can all comfortably deny that this is to keep us hooked with our friends and probably find new ones, to express our likings and dislikings, it requires an unbiased thinking. It seems rather obvious that we are trying to create an impression upon others, but why is it required? I might not meet you in my entire life or even if I did live next door, does it matter? It seems to be a human tendency to try to earn appreciation from others. Again not to lose the scope of this post, I am not trying to say if this kind of behavior is right or wrong, the question is what are we missing out in the process.

To me, writing is a way to get clarity to my thoughts, giving it a structure and to know myself better. This understanding that I get either by writing or the fact that I strive a little to get the clarity to write is what I am looking for. Probably, everyone who blogs with a purpose might agree with me on this. But it is when we start trying to keep the reader in mind, that's where the trouble begins. We start to decieve ourselves catering to the reader's mind thereby losing the true purpose of writing.

I was listening to one of Jiddu Krishnamurti's recorded interviews in which he says that the observer and the observed are one and the same and only when we realise this do we truely understand ourselves. Jiddu was actually referring to mind and the self when he talks about the observer and the observed, but this specific context can be corollated here as well. Almost all of our actions seem to follow this.

"The understanding of what you are, whatever it be - ugly or beautiful, wicked or mischievous - the understanding of what you are, without distortion, is the beginning of virtue. Virtue is essential, for it gives freedom."

-Jiddu Krishnamurthy(1895 - 1986)

It is important, that I and You put an effort in understanding ourselves better. Neither you are the observer and I am the observed nor is it vice versa, but we in ourselves are both the observer and the observed.

Current Music:

True Colors: Phil Collins

Kanneera dhare ideke, ideke...

Karnataka has lost it's beloved son, Dr. Rajkumar.

He was a fine human being. One of the more versatile actors of Indian Cinema, his contribution to Kannada is immense. Some of my favorite movies include Kasturi Nivasa, Mayura, Babruvahana, Bhakta Kumbhara and Bangarada Manushya. He defined what a true kannadiga is, humble, unassuming, non-controversial, non-political and a man of principles.

To me, more than an actor, he was the best Kannada singer. Though he started singing midway through his career replacing the wonderful PB Srinivas, the Rafi of South, he was a true gaana kogile, nightingale. Not classically trained, he excelled with his sheer talent and a genuine voice.

It is a shame or probably I was being yet another hypocrite kannadiga, who doesn’t give his language it’s due when I didn't mention kannada film music in my last blog. Coincidentally or as a console, my i-pod has been playing his songs for the last few days.

These are some of my all time favorite songs, sung by Dr. Rajkumar.

1) Kanneera Dhare Ideke Ideke
2) Baanigondu Elle Ellide
3) Jenina Holeyo
4) Chinnada Mallige Hoove
5) Yava Kaviyu Bareyalara
6) Nadamaya
7) Haalu Jenu

I can imagine millions of people thronging on the streets of Bangalore to get his last glimpse. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire state shuts down today, Corporate and Government Offices alike.

Annavaru will be truly missed by every single Kannadiga on this day and forever.

Close to my Heart

Through one's journey of Life, certain people and places leave their mark on you forever. There are a few people in my life too who have left an indelible mark and a few places as well that I will remember forever. But this post is not about any of them, it is about another facet of Life, one which has left the most impressions on me, one which has been my true companion for years, it is Music.

Looking back, having spent almost ten of my last fifteen years away from family and not being a bibliophile nor an extrovert only meant that I spent most time with my first love, Music.

When I was at high school, since my home was about 20 kms away from the school in the outskirts, daily commuting using the BTS bus (aka public transport) was very tedious. So I moved into a rented place, which was much closer to school. It was a small room on the first floor in an old locality between Ramakrishna Ashram and Ganesh Bhavan in the southern part of Bangalore. It was my first "peek" into urban life, everything seemed different than I had anticipated. Friends were few and all I had was a radio player which I used to listen to a lot whenever I was bored. Vividh Bharathi was my favourite station. It had some really good programs- Gunjan, Hawa Mahal, Aap Ki Farmaish .. and they made a great companion. I never felt out of place.

Old Hindi Film Music (yes, with the adjective old) that I listened to then was the first form of good music I tasted. Since then, It always has been special to me, though I graduated listening to Indian Classical, Non Filmi Ghazals, Classic Rock and more recently to Jazz. It was not just about the melody, but also some wonderful lyrics which I could easily identify myself with and appreciate the sensitivity.

There are a few artistes, who I am especially fond of and will be posting blogs about some of them.

People have come and people have gone, with new promises and old disappointments but these tunes and verses still linger on... They are, close to my heart..

O Mere Humraahi
Meri Baah Thaame Chalna
Badle Duniya Saari
Tum Na Badalna....
....
....


(Lyricist: Shailendra
Album: Guide, Year: 1965)

There are places I remember ...

Last week, Me and Abhi went on a road trip. We drove around 2000 miles and through 5 states- DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Tennessee and North Carolina.

Abhi came from LA to Baltimore on thursday evening. I left office around 4. Picked him up at the baltimore airport around 6 and left to Baltimore harbour. We spent time in the harbour and downtown till 9 and came back home around 11.. Watched cricket for a couple of hours and then went to bed. Friday morning, I had to go to work for a few hours. Came back early afternoon, rented a car (a govinda color chevy ;)) and went to DC for a few hours.. Came back to Amma's kitchen, had a masaal dose + bonda and back to home.. We also did some shopping for the trip.. Saturday morning, I packed some puliyogre and we left around 6 am. We reached River Gorge Bridge (West Virginia) through Virginia and Maryland around 1 pm.. It is the second or third largest steel bridge in the world, but more than that it is a really beautiful place.. We hiked thr for a few hours and left by 6 pm..

We reached Smokeys around 10 PM. It encompasses the entire border of North Carolina and Tennessee.. We rented a room as the weather was definitely not conducive for camping. The next morning we left around 6 am, We hiked a number of trails, the longest was 10 miles and probably the toughest.. It was a dense forest and we had almost lost our way !!Though it would have been more scenic had we gone in Fall when the trees are colorful and the leaves are falling all around you, the smokeys are truely breathtaking.. It was a long day but a really good one.

Next day we hiked a couple more trails and left Gaitlinburg (the place where we were staying) around 11 am.. It was ABhi's birthday.. It was raining .. and We had the most beautiful drive of our lives through the Smokeys on the North Carolina side.. Words can't describe the beauty (neither do the pictures do justice). We took a detour to go through Blue Ridge Parkway, again a beautiful route.. We reached Virginia Beach, our next stop at 12 in the midnight and I had set a record driving nonstop for 12 hrs except for a couple of pitstops for food/fuel !!

We got into a motel which was facing the Atlantic ocean, a few hundred metres away from the beach !! Spent the next day around VA beach and Norfolk and headed back home late in the evening.

The entire trip was wonderful. This post by no means can explain the joy we found trekking, driving and just gazing at nature's beauty. We had made it a point to go through all the scenic routes, parkways and byways. We had some great music and huge bags of churmuri (aka bhelpuri) to accompany us all the way !!

We took quite a few pictures barring days 1 and 2 in Baltimore and DC where we didn't carry a camera. We managed a few good ones though it was a little tricky to get shots in the smokeys with the haze. You can find them here. I need to find a better photo sharing app. Wasn't really happy with flickr, zooomr or snapfish.

Current Music:

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.
.....
.....
.....
And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more
In my life I loved you more

John Lennon(Beatles)

Iruvar

I must have watched this movie thrice in the last couple of weeks. Direction, Acting, Plot, background score all at it's best. Iruvar is a fine movie. About Politics, about leadership and charisma, about friendship and betrayal, about power and struggle, and about the masses. Prakash Rai and Mohan Lal have out-performed each other in their roles as pseudo Karunanidhi and MGR. I have no clue if I would be so much impressed if I had read a book or heard about them. But Maniratnam proves beyond doubt why he is such a talented director.

The other movie I saw a couple of weeks back was Aakrosh by Govind Nihilani. Om Puri, Ambrish Puri, Naseeruddin Shah, Smita Patil (a very small role) make a great casting for this movie on a very sensitive subject, Om Puri plays an oppressed tribal; he doesnt speak for the entire duration of the movie (no, he's not dumb !!) yet his expressions in the role are extremely powerful. This is probably Nihilani's second movie after Ardh Satya that I was greatly impressed, It is a must watch if you enjoy the "art" kind of movies.

Saw Swades last week, and was really disappointed after all the media praise, raving reviews and the popularity it got. To be frank, I found it to be a very ordinary movie. There was a total lack of intensity in every department of the movie. The only thing I truely liked in the movie was a great title song by Javed Akhtar.

The last two months have been great with my mother around. Took my parents to Niagara and univ. The falls mesmerises me everytime I am there. I hope to spend a whole day or two alone at the falls sometime. The sight, noise, aura, silence, the heights makes you feel completely in unison with the nature.

Thought Patterns

When I see them, I am elated, but they scare me. they reflect my strengths, but they cast a doubt in my mind. I feel like I am in the comfort zone, but I start worrying if I am getting complacent. I fear if it suggests mediocrity. I love patterns, but when I find them I start looking even fiercely for that elusive change. I see them in my success, failures, my friends, foes, my thoughts, dreams, sleep, my childhood, juvenile, school, work, my music, sports, food, my strengths, weaknesses, my love, crushes, friends, in everything I see, everything I think of, in everything I do, and everything that is me and that I am made of. It seems like I am in a hallucinated world or am I living in a dream. I am in that constant state of mind that I can never even fathom to explain. I want to escape from it. I try real hard to get out of it only to be found in another.

Strange things have happened to me in life or do I see strange things happening? Sometimes I have felt it's another sense that makes me see these patterns, sometimes I have tried to ignore them, but utterly failed. I don't know if this is a theory without a past or a future, but they are probably going to remain with me forever.

humne jo dekha tha, suna tha
kya bataye woh kya tha.........
........
........

yeh kya hua, kaise hua, kab hua
kyo hua, jab hua, tab hua
chhodo, yeh naa socho.....
........
........

F16s, Cricket blues and Writing skills

Three recent events has occupied my mind for the last couple of weeks. Bush's decision to select Paul Wolfowitz as World bank's next president, US selling F16's to Pakistan and India losing to Pakistan in Bangalore test. I will delve into the latter two here as they both have something in common.. No... not because Pakistan figures in both these topics :)

Bush's policy towards India and Pakistan has been as amusing as any of his other foreign policies. Though he has definitely not been "Anti-India", his Pro-Pakistan South Asian policies have clearly raised a lot of eye brows not only in India but here in the US as well. Selling F16s on the wake of clear indications of Pakistan's involvement in selling nuclear technology to the "axes of evil" has been a shocker..

As amusing as Bush's policies (though totally unrelated :)) has been India's poor test record in Bangalore as well as the way it recedes from a position of advantage. Whenever you think that there is no-way that the team is going to lose a match/series, comes a pathetic performance. India were the clear favorites with an easy chance of clinching the series 2-0 and the Bangalore pitch had no signs of any devils on it. India clearly boasted a better team, not just the batting line up but also a stronger bowling attack compared to the depleted pakistani bowling..

I do have specific and concrete reasons to explain either of these two events (or call it phenomena), but articulating this is altogether a different ball game. And when I read two different articles both of them on Indian Express, I was only convinced that I need to struggle really hard on my writing skills. Not that I am trying to compare myself or match with these phenomenal columnists but the gap is just abysmal !

Shekhar Gupta is arguably the finest political commentator in India. Read his latest column on Indian Express titled "The craft and the aircraft" where he talks about the US decision to sell F16s and the South Asian foreign policy in general. It is not just the rhetoric, but the flow of his thoughts and the sharp analysis of the issue that he provides which is mindblowing. The way he presents the complete picture in a short column is simply outstanding.

The other article is titled "Life seems easy when in the zone" by Harsha Bhogle also in India Express. Though he doesn't really write much about why India lost the match, he makes some wonderful abstractions about Batting, "Form and Class", and "Being in the Zone". This is an absolute treat to read. He doesn't do a lop-sided criticism of any batsman but still critiques them like no one. What can you say about an IIM grad who has never played an International match but still deserves adulation for his commentary even when he critiques the almighty of Indian Cricket !

I have realized I need to read books now or repent forever. You can't expect to be a good communicator, let alone be a good orator or a writer if you haven't read enough. I am ashamed to say that I haven't read a single novel to completion till this day though I have read a few non-fiction books. There are tonnes of books out there ... Yeah.. Toastmasters as well is on my mind and I should look it up the next week or so.

Current Music: Classical Gas (Acoustic): Eric Clapton

Khafa hoon Khafa hoon

It's been so much of the same. Get up at 7, rush to the metro and hope i don't miss the 8.30 one, be thr in office by 9, work till 6, get back home, check some mails, and chat with a couple of frds, go to sleep, wait for a weekend, spend the weekend without knowing what to do, call up home, a couple of frds, do some laundry, and get back to work on monday..

I was reading an interesting interview of Narayana Murthy(Chairman, Infosys) by Bob Hayward (of the Gartner research grp)... One specific question caught my mind.. Hayward asks why he(Mr. Murthy) thinks the issue of whether foreign direct investment is good for India or not still debated and why it was still not resolved? Murthy answers "Actually, there are two hilarious concepts in India. One is called MAFA— "Mistaking Articulation For Accomplishment." The second is that when we say, "All is said and done," what we really mean is, "Everything is said and nothing is done." Like it or not, we are a debating society, But just as other countries like Brazil and China have done, we must say enough is enough, and now is time for action. Otherwise, we will continue to a MAFA society."

I was completing my professional profile a couple of days back on a website and suddenly realized that I have so little to say professionally. Yeah, I did my Masters for sure, but am doing nothing different than probably what I would be doing if I had stayed back and worked like zillion others back home. Life was actually much more comforting when I was in grad school and occasionally read a paper or two from an ACM journal or was attending a research meeting. Not that I was on cloud nine then ( or am now !!! ) In either case, I have realised I am in a perennially depressed mood and need to mend my ways.

I am not sure where the phrase "MAFA" came from but it surely is the case with most individuals and groups not just when speaking about a nation or a government in macro-economic context. We seem to be complacent with what we think is perfection and further assume that we are on track to achieve it.

This reminds me on of my favorite quotes: "The best man is he who most tries to perfect himself, and the happiest man is he who most feels that he is perfecting himself." - Socrates

I am sad that I am neither perfect nor happy ! I am neither trying to perfect myself nor lost in my egoism (egotism ??) and happy that I am on my way to perfection.

Want to listen to my song of the day and get depressed ?? Listen to this one picturized on AB and sung by Kishoreda (from the movie, Bemisaal)

Kisi baat se mein kisise khafa hoon
Mein zinda hoon par zindagi se khafa hoon
Khafa hoon Khafa hoon Khafa hoon...

In solitude, where we are least alone.

Lord Byron

Rishtey

Had so many things to write over the past few weeks but the eternal procrastinator chose not to and finally i write one in my blues which has become so banal.

frankly this is not the usual "blues" i find myself in, but a rather "outsider" view of my experiences. tat sounds funny .. doesn't it :) .. let's not bother about it..

I have been wondering a lot as to why relations between any two people change.. why is it so volatile ? Before I go ahead let me also tell you that there is nothing "bollywood-ish" to be read in between my lines :)..

Throughout our lives, we get close to so many people: Be it a cousin, a close friend, an office colleague or a classmate... You seem to have found someone with whom u can fearlessly express urself, understand the other person, with whom u feel uninhibited about anything.. u don't have to act but can be urself... But somewhere down the line, the warmth, the closeness doesn't remain for long but rather fades away.. It seems to be a factor of geographic distance , the "communication frequency", differing interests, and so many more such dependent variables that start creeping into the equation...

I started thinking about all these when I was listening to one of my favorite songs penned by Kaifi Azmi.. Check out these last two lines of the song in Jagjit's voice after the writer makes a series of questions about "Rishtey" and then beautifully stops with this question that can set anyone wondering abt it !

kehte hain pyaar kA rishtaa
hai janam kA rishtaa
hai janam kA jo ye rishtaa to badaltaa kyon hain ?

You have to actually listen to the whole song to get its flavor (from the movie, Arth)

On a different note, I saw Shwaas last week. Its an absolutely terrific movie ! It definitely deserved not only an Oscar nomination but also an award (which it didn't). All the performances are very natural; Ashwin chitale who plays the (to be)blind child is simply superb ! The movie is based on a true incident. let me not divulge the story before you watch it!

Current Music: Aksar kyun yun lage ke tum koi aur ho (Shaan)